I have a final due tomorrow. It needs to be 15-20 pages long for a class on International Institutions. I am writing it on the balancing act of the United Nations in terms of global governance and nation-state sovereignty, with a focus on the United States role in condoning torture in its national security efforts, thereby decreasing the UN's legitimacy, and calling into question the role of the UN in the future. This paper directly ties into my thesis, and I am researching this and related topics for just about every class I am taking this semester. It means that occasionally I need a break, as focusing too much on this issue and all of the related topics, as well as all the factors that need to be considered in this type of a decision-making process make my head hurt.
So, on to the revelation. I am traditionally someone who doesn't speak out loud on topics that they know little about. In classes, I usually speak only when I am relatively sure of what I think, that it makes sense, and that it is the "right" answer. I don't like to make controversial comments and make people angry. During my years at Bethel as an undergrad, I was definitely more liberal than many of my peers, but made sure not to offend anyone with statements on my views on many things-- I spoke more centrally and moderately than I do at Cornell. While at Bethel, if anyone called into question what I was saying, I assumed that I was wrong (particularly if it was a professor), and moved on.
However, I am in a very different setting right now. While still fairly liberal, I would be considered much more moderate than at least several of the professors I interact with on a daily basis. I am more inclined to speak in class (partially because with several classes with less than 10 students that are purely discussion based, speaking in class is a necessity) now, and as such, recently came to a surprising conclusion. It may sound ridiculous, in the fact that for many people, what I am saying shouldn't be shocking. But, I experienced a revelation a couple of weeks ago that was a bit odd. I came to the conclusion that I am not wrong. I have several professors who have vehemently disagreed with me on class discussions. I think this is partially due to the fact that I am less inclined to view things from a purely idealistic perspective, and instead try to account for all of the aspects that influence a decision, particularly when looking at large scale issues. I had one professor tell me I was being too negative when I was discussing why the US would be uninclined to give up veto power in the UN security council. I wasn't trying to say I think it never should, just that there are a number of reasons why the US would rather not.
She utterly disagreed with me-- but I knew I was right. It was an odd feeling to say the least. There have been other similar circumstances over the past several weeks with different professors, but it was an interesting experience to be one semester away from graduating from grad school, and know that there may be people who are better educated than I am, who are older and more experienced than I am-- but that doesn't make them always right-- even in the topics which they are teaching me about.
So, as I sit here writing a paper for one of these professors, I am attempting to state what I think clearly, but at the same time, avoid angering my professor as they grade my paper. I would prefer not to tick someone off as they are giving me a grade that significantly impacts how I will do in their course. It will probably be a late night-- but tomorrow (at some point) the class will have been completed, and I can move on. Well, to the next final-- which is a project due on Monday. To be followed by a paper due on Wednesday. Followed by a paper due on Thursday. Followed by an exam on Friday. And then the semester is complete. Hooray!
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