Sleepless Nights

It's 4:30 in the morning as I write this, and I have been up since 3:00. Life feels pretty stressful and out of control right now, leading to an inability to fall asleep or stay asleep. Classes end next week, which in some ways feels pretty incredible. I have almost completed my master's degree, which seems pretty unreal. My parents will be arriving for graduation in just about a month, which is crazy.
But there is still so much left up in the air. As of right now, I have no job for after graduation. My current part-time job at Cornell ends next week. And I have no idea what comes next. I like to know what comes next-- it's how I function. I like to think that I am relatively flexible as well, but I like having a plan. This is part of the reason why this semester has felt so crazy.
I have to take a quiz/exam this week, and a paper to hand in next week. A week after that, I take the only final exam I have this semester-- for financial accounting. After May 6th, I will be done with my classes. That gives me about 2 1/2 weeks with not a lot to do until graduation.
But my thesis still feels like it is looming over my head. I don't like to talk about it or think about it more than necessary-- it creates a sense of impending doom. That may sound overly dramatic, but that's the way it feels. It's also why I am awake right now--because the sound of footsteps coming from the apartment above mine at 3 in the morning woke me up, and I am so unable to relax that I immediately started thinking about everything that hasn't come together yet, including (especially) my thesis. A large knot forms in my stomach, and creates a complete inability to fall back to sleep. Once I have given up on actually going back to bed, I get up, check my email, and attempt to do some more work. This is problematic because it means I will be exhausted tomorrow during class from 8:30-4:00. It almost makes me wish I could become nocturnal. There are fewer things to get distracted by in the middle of the night, other than stress. And stress is motivational. Although, the downside is that I unfortunately need sleep to function, and so far this method isn't really functional-- particularly in any kind of long term sense. But it is the reality of my life right now.
--brianna